Top Loathsome moments

Wrapping up my Oscar re-cap, here are my cringe-worthy and/or vomit inducing moments (obv Seth MacFarlane fits in there everywhere too)

1. K Stew. Honestly, wash your hair, stand up straight, pull-out if you're injured, and stop being the worst most insufferable person ever.

                    

     

2. Anne Hathaway's speech--especially the beginning, "it came true," and the end, her limp attempt at a social comment that her performance in a musical would have any effect on prostitution--give me a break!

3. Ted and Mark Wahlberg--that weird Jewish bit/slur (?) and the allusion to the Roman Polanski rape at Jack Nicholson's house--seriously? terrible taste.

4. Catherine Zeta Jones lipsync--I mean, who's idea was it to have J Hud follow her? Brutal. If you're going to force us to sit through musical performances at the Oscars, at least make them live!

5. The Jaws music playing people off, especially when it cut that man off who tried to talk about the Special FX company going bankrupt etc--bad taste.

6. Whatever Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy tried and failed to do. Seriously, what the fuck was that?

7. Renee Zellweger's squinty face and teetering body and general alienness!

8. Argo winning best picture, but I mean, that was inevitable and I'm already too bored to talk about it!

And one last one for good measure...
Disastrous sweaty hideous Quentin!

Favourite moments from Oscar 85

Every show has its highs and lows, and even if most people thought Oscar 85 was bad, b/c I am such a lover of all things Oscar, I had many a moment I loved. Check it out, my top 8 fave moments (in order):

1. Ang Lee winning:

When I say that each and every time they mentioned Life of Pi last night I welled up with tears, I am not exaggerating (seriously, ask Matt who sat beside me and witnessed the misty eyes all night). I loved Life of Pi, and if you read my earlier blog posts, you'll see that it was, in my opinion, the best film of 2012. This is not the only reason I got emotional over the win. I love Ang Lee so much. He is by far one of my top 3 favourite directors, and in my opinion, the most versatile film maker of our time. Who else could make a Jane Austen period drama, a mixed martial arts epic, a love story between two gay cowboys, and the film adaptation of a magical realist novel starring only a boy and a tiger all in a period of 15 years and have them all be close to perfect? He is just phenomenal in my book, and such a humble lovely man. I loved his shout out to Taiwan and his wife of 30 years. Also, it is not very often that Best Picture and Best Director are split, but this is the second time in a matter of 7 years that this has happened to Lee (Brokeback Mountain lost to Crash in 2006). Wild! Anyway, Life of Pi is beautiful and absolutely perfect-visually, narratively, everything. See it. It will make you cry.

2. J Law's fall and her speech and general awesomeness:

I mean, only she could make something like this into a non-embarrassing moment. I love that she said the only reason they gave her a standing O, was b/c she fell. I've already posted about this, so I won't blather on, but, the fact that she took a few seconds while she was down there to be like "omg, I can't believe this is happening" is a cool way to deal with it.

3. Meryl Streep's wedgie pick and announcing of DDL's win, and DDL's comedic speech.

So, first there was that. And then we had this:

Which just makes me so happy. DDL-first man in history to win 3 best actor awards, presented to him by the world's best actress. Perfect. And a great speech too!

4. J Hud and Adele showing everyone how it's fucking done! It was like a "Hey CZJ, this is how you not lipsync!" BOOM!

5. John Travolta's insane toupee!

I mean, you've gotta be fucking kidding me right? Also, rumour has it that Travolta has a refrigerated room in his house to store his hair pieces!

6. Fat Russell Crowe singing with the cast of Les Mis (seriously, he needs to lose a good 50 pounds). (This was the best screen cap I got off my phone)

7. The family Von Trapp joke. I know it's so stupid, but come on! Christopher Plummer! Cptn. Von Trapp! How could you not love it? (I also love that he was wearing his Order of Canada pin on his tux--thanks Alex for noticing that!)

 


8. And last, but certainly not least: Adele's acceptance speech. Like honestly, she's the best.

What moments were your faves?

re-cap of Oscar 85: the opening monologue

Okay, so we've dealt with the red carpet looks--good and bad--for the most part, but I have one (maybe 2) more things to say about what happened on the carpet before we get to the ceremony:

1. How annoying was Kristin Chenoweth on the red carpet? And how she kept taking her shoes off to show how short she is compared to everyone? Okay, we get it, you're small, let's move on!

2. How cute was B Coop's mom who wore something she found in her closet and accessorized it with metallic sneakers?

Okay, now let's move on to that Opening Monologue shall we?

What a bizarre mix of trying to pay a respectful, albiet somewhat boring, homage to Hollywood singing and dancing, with extremely juvenile prejudiced remarks, a few good jokes, and a few terrible ones!

The quest to making Tommy Lee Miserable laugh? Great!

Making fun of The Academy not nominating Ben Affleck? Great!

The Jean Dujardin joke? Solid.

The Coppolla family joke? Solid!

DDL trying to free Don Cheadle on the lot? Uncomfortable.

Chris Brown and Rhianna joke? Brutal.

Mel Gibson's voicemails? Pretty good.

Jodi Foster privacy joke? Pretty good.

Acknowledging that people thought he was going to be terrible? Good move. (I also love how they referenced how good Tina and Amy were--"why can't they just host everything?")

But, the "We saw your Boobs" thing? Terrible. And others, like those at Vulture, and The New Yorker have explained why Seth MacFarlane's misogyny matters much better than I could, so I urge you to go and read those pieces--they are fantastic!

Also, I think the Will Shatner thing was a cute idea in theory, but it went on far too long. 

Then there was the dancing...which didn't make very much sense to me, or why Charlize Theron was paired with Channing Tatum, or why Harry Potter and JGL did a little soft shoe number with the host. See, these are the things that could be cut out to make the show much much shorter. Am I right?

Sock puppets re-enacting Flight? Stupid, but funny. I especially liked the shot of the socks tumbling in the dryer which I managed to take a shitty picture of on my iphone. 

But the Denzel as the Nutty Professor joke? Brutal.

Then this happened:

I don't have words.

And then the weird Disney song happened "Be our guest." Right.

Okay, so kind of a weird start. At the time, watching it at the Bloor, I thought it was pretty good, but watching it back again, I'm realizing how brutal most parts were. Maybe last night I was just shocked that it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be (ie: I predicted a train wreck). That, and the wine helped.

What did you think of the opening?

File this under: reasons I'm obsessed with Jennifer Lawrence

I loved Silver Linings Playbook, probably more than most people (also, read the book-it's so good!) and I love Jennifer Lawrence so much. I feel like everyone loves her so much right now that there will be a backlash very soon (but I don't want to concentrate on that right now).

Let's focus on how awesome she is. Just watch this and then try and tell me that you don't love her:

This too:

Also, I LOVE the article on Vulture about how her fall is a great great Oscar moment. I agree! (And loved that both Hugh Jackman and B Coop got up to try and help her--such gentlemen!)

One last thing on JLaw: can we remind ourselves that she is 22 years old? OMG. 

Can we now pull a mean comparison to LiLo, who last year, at age 25, after the Oscars, told Matt Lauer in an interview that she wanted to be at the Oscars a year from then (which would have been last night).

See below and start at the 3:10 mark:

Um, yeah. Don't you love that out of everyone in the movie Mean Girls, Lindsay Lohan is going to be the last person ever to go to the Oscars? Now who would have thought that in 2004?

Worst Dressed

I know, I know, there have already been so many who have hated on Anne Hathaway's dress that it seems like I shouldn't go there, but how can I not?

She was one of the winners last night that was pretty much a lock down guarantee, so really to do this to yourself is just bad. For the rest of her career, clips of this night will always be shown, and those clips will always show a shitty pale pink prom dress made out of a material that emphasized the dart pleats on the bust of the dress which made her look like she was wearing god damned pasties.

And I know that it was apparently a last minute switch up (from Valentino) to this Prada monstrosity, but after a 3 month Awards campaign, you'd think you'd have a few safe back up dresses planned for the number one big night, right?

And that "precious"Tiffany necklace she wore backwards? Again, awful. I just don't understand how such a beautiful woman who normally dresses so well could do this poorly on arguably the most important night of her career. And also, how could her publicist and/or assistant and/or husband look at her in that dress before the ceremony and give the a-okay.

Bleh. What she wore to the Vanity Fair after-party, albeit pretty boring, was better than her Oscar dress. She should have just gone with that the whole time. Or even the dress she wore for the Les Mis number. I just can't get over this...

 
Okay...moving on to Worst Dressed (that didn't surprise me)...Mrs. Affleck. God she has terrible style. Why can't someone just get her a damn stylist?

From straight on, it isn't horrible, but from the side and the back? LORD. Also, did anyone see her shoes? WHY? WHY? (See shoe below) There is nothing worse than a satine platform prom heel in the exact same colour as your magenta gown! How is this shit Gucci?

Does anyone else think she looks like she is shitting purple ruffles? Not a good look Or that this wasn't very figure flattering? From the side, she looked pregnant. (I apologize if it turns out she is pregnant with #4)

There were definitely other fashion offenders, but I thought these two, considering how high profile they were at the show, were the worst...What do you think?

Best Dressed

I feel like I might have to drop out of law school in order to properly write all there is to write on the Oscars last night...

But, for my first re-cap of the day, let's keep it simple and stick to who I thought were Best Dressed (we'll get to the Worst and the "of course's" later today)

My 6 favourite looks of the night.

Starting with the best:

Damn! Halle is insufferable but fuck she looks good in that Versace! She said she was going for a Bond girl look (as she was presenting the 50 years of James Bond montage) and Donatella delivered! If only this dress could make me forget her Oscar speech!

 

This came out of nowhere! I wasn't even thinking that Keibler would be a presence at the Oscars this year, and then she goes ahead and wears the shit out of this Naeem Khan. Honestly, this woman struck gold with Clooney and is doing a lot of things right here. Props Keibler, props. 

I love Naomi Watts so much, and I loved her in The Impossible. I also love her in this Armani Privé dress. So beautiful! (I'm seeing a trend here: I just noticed all my fave dresses are metallics)

What can I say? Woman knows how to work a red dress on the red carpet. This Valentino dress is fantastic and just perfect on her. I love it when a woman knows how to dress perfectly for her age.

And thank god she did this after that damn droopy boob monstrosity she wore to the Globes. Once again, Chastain pulls out the big guns for the Oscars in Armani Privé.
Last but not least, JLaw in Dior Haute Couture. Haters gonna hate, but I thought she looked beautiful. And damn, she is just great-fall and all.

Who do you think was best dressed?